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Module 4: Boundaries

Listen to the session recording above.

 

Symptoms of Practicing Bad Boundaries

  1. Your clients are grumpy with you.
  2. They take advantage of your generosity, ask too much of you.
  3. You resent them (secretly).
  4. You work all the time, but your bank account is drained.
  5. Everyone gets help, but you come up short on time, energy, and happiness every day.
  6. Exhaustion.
  7. You become a demon.
  8. You are the martyr.

 

Pre-Framing vs. Re-Framing & Pre-Qualifying

An ounce of pre-frame is worth a pound of re-frame.

Pre-frame in: agreements, first conversations.

“This is going to be hard. You’re going to want to quit. You might dislike me sometimes."

Pre-framing is also pre-qualifying, so by having boundaries you are making it more possible for someone to have success working with you.

 

Time

Time hygiene builds trust. Being clean with time doesn’t mean being rigid with time. It means being aware of it, respecting yours and others’.

Time is the most valuable thing anyone has.

  • Some clients would prefer to have conversations, and that would be an easy enough way for me to earn a living, but that’s not transforming.

 

Interrupting and Steering Focus - When to do it:

When they are using their and your time to stay stuck.

When they would otherwise sabotage, and back out of their own goals, intentions, and dreams.

When there’s a preciously timed moment. Something coming up is coming up to leave. That makes the timing it arises significant.

To interrupt simply ask: “May I interrupt?”

 

Volume of Service and Content:  When is it too much?

Too much takes away:

  • your client goes into overload, overwhelm.
  • because you’ve given them a lifetime of work to do you’ll never see them again.
  • and they will feel defeated because they can’t accomplish all that you set out for them.

People tend to make use of less and get overwhelmed by more.

Over delivering comes from insecurity and need for approval.

The difference between giving a lot of value and over delivering?

 

Energy

Draining vs. gaining

 

What a Boundary Isn’t:

Helping everyone.

Helping no one/a policy of “no”.

Rigid attachment to a process or schedule.

 

Boundary and Purpose Are Nearly the Same Thing.

If you know who you are:

  • You know how you help.
  • You know who you help.
  • You know how to engage and gain energy rather than lose energy, because you are feeling like you “have to”.

 

Journal/Homework/Partner Exercise:

Think of a situation where you are over-giving, getting exhausted or having any of the symptoms of having bad boundaries.

What is the outcome you'd rather have?

How do you feel about creating a healthy boundary?

What if anything stands in the way of you having that?

What new action will you take as a result of it?

By when will you take it?

 


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